Mortician - Re-Animated Dead Flesh (2004)

Mortician is a band that I can only take in small doses. Earlier, in the years prior to their full length excursions, I found them to be quite exhilarating as I have always been a sucker for a low-tuned, sludged out guitar sound and at that time no one came close to Mortician. I especially dug the slower moments where you felt as if you were being beaten to death in slo-mo beneath a strobe light. Muted chugging that bitch-slapped even the likes of Suffocation. Fast forward to the band's second full lenght, 'Chainsaw Dismemberment' and it was painfully obvious that the band had all but run out of ideas (though there was never a fucking shortage in insanity inducing movie intro's). I could tell that any semblance of clever riff configurations were rapidly becoming a thing of the past. Let me point out that Mortician were never going to be the death metal equivalent of Rush as vocalist Will Rahmer's bass "skills" were extremely limited thus boxing in exceptionally talented guitarist, Roger Beaujard into a very small space with which to work within.

Needless to say, Mortician's next three albums were a trio of duds with maybe a riff or two worth note among them. Hardly a reason to go run out and join their fan club. Then... as if the band had been re-animated by Herbert West himself... "BANG!!!"... out comes the ironically titled 'Re-Animated Dead Flesh'! This was the full length that I was hoping to hear so long ago after having been brutalized by the 'Mortal Massacre' 7". The pointless and overlong intros are still here, to be sure, but the riffing and more importantly, the intent is far more severe than anything the band had released since '91. If this is to be the band's final album then I am happy to say that they went out on a high, er "low" note and more than made up for the previous snore-fests. By the way, SICK fucking album cover! Love the glowing green "Re-animator" style logo as well!

Testament - The Gathering (1999)

At the time I remember being vaguely bummed about this album as I felt it fell a bit short of the mark considering the extraordinary line-up. fast forward fifteen or so years and I am glad that I decided to revisit this album as now more than ever I am appreciative of good ol' fashioned songwriting. Plain and simple. Nothing too fancy or overly complicated, and that's pretty much what 'The Gathering' is about.

I think at the time everyone expected this mind-blowing technical escapade and felt a pang of disappointment when that ended up not being the case. I can say with confidence that I was not ready for this album at the time of its release. I don't think I would've liked it even with the perception I have now. It's just something whose time has finally come to pass and I can say now that this is among my favorites of the band's releases next to 'Low' and 'The Legacy'. 'The Gathering' is also a tremendous improvement over the band's previous album 'Demonic', not to mention the fact that with 'The Gathering' Testament managed to step back on track as 'Demonic' is an anomaly to the band's catalog.

This is one of those albums that I rediscovered after having written it off so long ago and it only gets better with each listen.

Movie Poster of the Week: Dead & Buried (1981)

Goddefied - Abysmal Grief [ep] (1993)

First and foremost, let me get this straight... I've never been one to piss and moan about whether or not a band sounds "original". What's always been of the utmost importance to me is whether they sound good or not. I'm not so naive to believe that with 90,000,000 fucking metal bands out there, it's an impossibility to select a riff or rhythmic pattern that may have been previously used in the 30+ years of metal's existence. However, I do not advocate any band who straight up plagiarizes another band's material as a result of their own creative bankruptcy. Such is the case with Sweden's Goddefied.

I remember when Entombed's 'Left Hand Path' was released in 1990 and the effect it had on the rest of Sweden. On one hand I was delighted that they had influenced so many of their countrymen with their infamous "chainsaw" guitar sound, on the other I was astonished that there were hardly any among them that possessed a semblance of shame and self awareness in regards to the fact that just about all of them were doing nothing more than aping Entombed's sound. Some, like Dismember and Grave, would go on to build lengthy careers out of this while many, many others would not make it past the demo stage.

I must confess that during that time I eagerly devoured any and every two-bit Entombed knock-off that stumbled my way. Let's face it, most of 'em were good and really, the only thing those bands were ripping was the guitar sound itself. Riff-wise, Dismember, Grave and Entombed (among others) were fairly distanced, so it wasn't overly obnoxious at the time. Goddefied, however, not only straight rip-off Entombed because they suck and are a bunch of creatively bankrupt faggots, but they actually somehow manage to make the riffs they stole sound bloodless and weak. Like a pack of homosexual vampires who haven't sucked a dick in over a decade. Weak... staggering... powerless. Fuck this band, and fuck al of the queerbait Facebook hipsters who praise garbage like this like it's some hidden gem. More like finding a shit encrusted dildo in your uncle's dresser.

The one thing they got right was the title of this piece of miserable shit.

Oh yeah, nice cover art that's been used about 9,000,000 fucking times, too, you fuckin' Swedish meatball garglin' faggots. Goddefied. What a fuckin' gay name. More like Gay-defied.

Get the Gringo (2012)

Very surprised by this. I figured since Mel pissed off all of the whiny Jews over in Holo-wood in all probability his capabilities of making or starring in quality cinematic experiences were far behind him. Boy was I wrong!

One of my worries was that Mel may be well past his prime for one of these types of movies. After about 5 minutes my leeriness dissipated and I began to go with the flow.

'Get the Gringo' is like 'Payback' trying to come down off of a two week crystal meth bender by drinking a case of urine and tequila. Yeah, it's that good!

With all of the headless torsos and flesh pyramids made of stumps littering the streets of Mexico in the last 5-10 years, Holo-wood has jumped on the cartel glorification bandwagon like a tranny on a jackhammer and undoubtedly to the dismay of all the hebe's in El Lay, Mel-E Mel decided to as well and managed to outdo them all!! Definitely a winner in my book with a nice, healthy dose of sleaze to keep the war-machine oiled and moving.

If the whiny, insecure Jewish kingpins over in Holo-wood want to keep Mel out of the mainstream, well that's fine by me as the ol' madman has shown absolutely ZERO signs of limp-wristedness with this ace of a movie.

Testament - Low (1994)

By the time this came rollin' 'round the bend I was pretty much a snot-nosed and militant death metal head. Sure, I grew up loving Testament's early albums and all that but by '94 I grew weary of thrash and found it to be vastly inferior to the crushing and abysmal sounds of death metal. Also of note, I was extremely bummed when I had learned that James Murphy disbanded the godly Disincarnate to join this at times cornball bay-area thrash outfit. I mean seriously, as good as some of Testament's album are, none of them can contentd with 'Dreams of the Carrion Kind'.

I remember the hype surrounding this album due to Chuck Billy's increasing use of death metal vocals, and I admit that when they're on, they're on. Unfortunately, 'Low' also showcases some of Billy's most horrendously faglicious vocal lines as well ("Confirm who I am, contort all I can..."). I remember cringing and wanting to hide in the shadows when I first heard that ultra-homo verse. What's worse is that for the most part the vocal work on the remainder of that song ('Dog Faced Gods', by the way) is actually pretty fucking good, only to be marred by that faggoty chorus.

Musically, Low may just be Testament's heaviest moment to date (yeah, forget all of the melodic black metal homosexuality of their last album). Not sure how much of this had to do with Eric Peterson wanting to show off to James Murphy that he too can pen a death metal lick (not quite) or what, but it is what it is. I've read in some places this album described as Pantera-esque "groove metal" (seriously, whoever thinks it's cute to coin these terms needs a cattle prod jammed up their ass). I can thankfully and confidently say that this is not the case. Sure, there's moments where your cabeza may begin rocking back and fourth but I assure you it's not as a result of some wigger-fied Pantera riff or any such thing. Honestly, aside from Chuck's lapse into homosexuality, this album is quite the scorcher and stands alongside 'The Legacy' in greatness. All the musicians are on fire here and the songs are all great and most importantly, stand out from one another.

In a time when most thrash bands were either "wigging" out Pantera style or jumping out of the closet (i.e. Metallica, Megadeth, etc...) Testament was one of the very few who not only stood their ground but took the extremity that much further.

Testament - Practice What You Preach (1989)

In my opinion Testament never truly lived up to the promise of their debut and yet, aside from their horrendous flirtation with "groovy" death metal (Demonic) they've never released an outright stinker, either.

While 'The New Order' toyed around with "happier", "bouncier" riffs, 'Practice What You Preach' wholeheartedly delves into the concept. It was one of those albums that I could tell right off the bat something was amiss and yet it wasn't as obvious as say 'Cold Lake'. I mean, sure, this was still an outright, bonafide thrash record with all of the I's dotted and T's crossed but it felt too "safe". Someone had knocked the teeth out of this band's skull. The fact that I picked this up at the record store along with Sepultura's 'Beneath the Remains' probably didn't help much, either.

Yeah, there's just something that's not terribly engaging about this album. Oddly enough, I do enjoy the band's "pussy magnet" track, 'The Ballad'. Being that even amidst the war on posers, thrash bands were not immune to tacking on an acoustic track for good measure, it never really bothered me at the time nor after (though the irony was never lost on me).

The rest of the album really just feels like a dump-truck load of filler. It's the weirdest thing. Nothing outright sucks but nothing on here is that great either. Nothing stands out, except for Chuck Billy's death metal growl at the beginning of 'Envy Life', which is pretty fucking brutal and I believe, the his first attempt at singing that way.

Overall, I feel as though 'PWYP' is a waste of a great album cover. It looks so much better on the outside. But that visual promise soon gives way to the empty feeling of unfulfillment. This would also be the case with the band's next album, 'Souls of Black'. Another sub-par effort boasting an incredible cover. I can only conclude that Testament is one of those bands who does better when they're not pumping out product in a prolific manner.