Emperor/Enslaved - Emperor/Hordanes Land [ep] (1993)

This is the -ep- that made me ever so slightly warm up to black metal... the Emperor side, to be exact. The Enslaved side is gay as fuck. Yeah, yeah, right, right, sure, sure... I get that all of the homos who think that every one of their thoughts is important would love nothing more than to be homo-sexually assaulted by each and every "member" of Enslaved, but for me they've always sucked... at least until 'Monumension', which, ironically enough is the one album that all the fags just can't quite get into. Ha. Go figure.

I remember not having high hopes for this but being that I was "trying" to get into and "understand" black metal way back when (which I don't think I ever will, fully) I gave it a go nonetheless. The one song that stood out for me was 'I Am the Black Wizards'. There's a riff in there towards the mid-section that really seemed to open up my sub-conscious and lift my spirits up into the sky. The piece is truly something akin to a spiritual awakening. Following this truly majestic riff is one of the grimiest breakdowns known to Man. The rest of Emperor's side wouldn't really "stick" until years later when I obtained their 'In the Nightside Eclipse' album. Then I would truly be blown away by the absolute brilliance of this great band.

Unfortunately, the Emperor side is extremely tinny, which has always been my number one gripe against black metal bands. I have always abhorred the weak and faggoty flavored guitar sound employed by the panda bear elite. The other complaint is that it seemed as though someone turned down the volume during the mixing process. I don't know if this was some erroneous attempt on the band's behalf to sound "necro as fuck" but it doesn't. Instead it's annoying as hell and I'm grateful that the band decided to re-record these songs for their debut album.

I'm not going to say much about Enslaved's side of the split other then it sucks and I'll never understand why people speak of them as if they were the embodiment of gods. I mean, seriously, Enslaved is 'ok' at best, whether you like black metal or not. They are a perfect example of the power of hype. Endless praise from a bunch of nerds with shitty taste in music which somehow taints the minds of those who should know better.