Goatwhore - Constricting Rage of the Merciless (2014)

The problem with having a vocalist who sings in more than one band is that they all end up sounding alike. Goatwhore essentially sounds like Soilent Green sans the imaginative riffing. Unfortunately for both bands it's been quite some time since vocalist Ben Falgoust possessed any sort of range so the similarities have become that much easier to define.

Goatwhore seem caught between two worlds and a bit undecided as to what side of the fence they choose to gaze through. On one hand they are one of the more recognized acts in the metal community overall, a position owed in no small part to their allegiance to Metal Blade. On the other hand, they seem to want to, at least "partially" remain within the underground faction of their peers and their fanbase and in this sense Goatwhore are sort of the "Pantera" of black metal (sure, I know many refer to them as "blackened death" or "black thrash" but to avoid confusion and just for plain old arguments sake they will be referred to in this blog as 100%, straight up black metal, or if you're Norwegian "blick" metal).

Quite honestly, this band is as lame as it gets. They pretty much began circling the drain after album number three (A Haunting Curse) which, by default is the template for everything they've done since. That's not to say that I'm some sort of fan of their earlier work but at least there was a minute amount of murk and menace back then as opposed to the clinical sterility of their past three albums. Overall this is yet another predictable affair by a rather unnecessary band whose sole existence seems to fuel the fires for the unimaginative. Black metal of this caliber is why Europeans tend to think that Americans are a bunch of retards.

By the way... can someone explain to me the tradition of these long-winded album titles raped to death by the denizens down in New Orleans?

Truppensturm - Salute to the Iron Emperors (2010)

Aside from Nyogthaeblisz, Truppensturm may be the most hateful sounding band out there at the moment. In fact, I can't really think of any band in the history of metal that sounds this deadpan and abrasive. Call it Teutonic cruelty. Call it Truppensturm!

Yep, forget all of the homo's up in Norway standing in front of the mirror, slathering their faces with make-up. Truppensturm is where it's at.

Obviously Truppensturm are merely one of dozens upon dozens of many copycat versions of Blasphemy yet there's something particularly brutal about these guys and dare I say more convincing than your average worshiper of the unholy trinity (Sarcafago/Blasphemy/Beherit). When these fuckers hit go, I can guarantee you that there will be no survivors when the beating finally stops.

In many ways Truppensturm is the German counterpart to El Paso's Nyogthaeblisz what with their unrelenting savagery and perversion of all things "blackened" that almost seems to come from a place of disdain rather than mindless adoration. Aye, these are the wolves among sheep. With the Tsar Bomb on the horizon, the future looks bright indeed!

Head of the Demon - Head of the Demon (2012)

This is what happens when you give a bunch of black metal goofs from Sweden a bunch of pot and a weekend's worth of free studio time.

I've heard of many bands erroneously referred to as sounding like Black Sabbath, or being heavily inspired by Black Sabbath. This is one of those blue moon nights where the reference is spot on. Head of the Demon, I am pleased to say, are one of those rare bands who actually deliver the goods in terms of conjuring their inner-70's all the while keeping everything safely within their blackened inner sanctum.

I wouldn't say that this is as evil sounding or emits the sort of putrid gloom that their countrymen 'The Funeral Orchestra' does, but this is definitely special in its own right and actually does a better job at creating an older vibe.

If there's one gripe that I have it would be the ultra-tinny sound that, in my mind, takes away from the experience. I wish that they had "thickened" things up a bit but hey, this is still a winner in my book and an indication of greater things to come.

Thantifaxath - Sacred White Noise (2014)

I've never been terribly fond of black metal though that is not to say that I haven't stumbled across the occasional gem here or there throughout the last 20 some odd years since its second wind. The black metal that I do enjoy is primarily more adventurous than say, your typical 'Transilvanian Hunger' clone. Bands like Emperor, Blut aus Nord and Wormlust I find to be infinitely more intriguing than those bands who opt to drone out playing an open tremolo over a monotonous skank for a duration of five minutes or more.

Thantifaxath are definitely pushing the envelope. Sure, there's plenty of ho-hum black metal bullshit going here, but if you hang on for a second, those time-worn passages will lead you to the most glorious of open spaces. All of this , of course, does not spell victory as I had mentioned above there are plenty of traditionally homosexual black metal-(j)isms flying around all over the place. Sure, if you have the patience your endurance will pay off but as I've gotten older I've realized that sitting through 3 or 4 minutes of blah just to get to the "good part" is just a waste of my time. Plain and simple. These days I want to hear something that's good from start to finish. I do not want to engage in an aural scavenger hunt in order to obtain a mere moments worth of listening pleasure. next.

Emperor/Enslaved - Emperor/Hordanes Land [ep] (1993)

This is the -ep- that made me ever so slightly warm up to black metal... the Emperor side, to be exact. The Enslaved side is gay as fuck. Yeah, yeah, right, right, sure, sure... I get that all of the homos who think that every one of their thoughts is important would love nothing more than to be homo-sexually assaulted by each and every "member" of Enslaved, but for me they've always sucked... at least until 'Monumension', which, ironically enough is the one album that all the fags just can't quite get into. Ha. Go figure.

I remember not having high hopes for this but being that I was "trying" to get into and "understand" black metal way back when (which I don't think I ever will, fully) I gave it a go nonetheless. The one song that stood out for me was 'I Am the Black Wizards'. There's a riff in there towards the mid-section that really seemed to open up my sub-conscious and lift my spirits up into the sky. The piece is truly something akin to a spiritual awakening. Following this truly majestic riff is one of the grimiest breakdowns known to Man. The rest of Emperor's side wouldn't really "stick" until years later when I obtained their 'In the Nightside Eclipse' album. Then I would truly be blown away by the absolute brilliance of this great band.

Unfortunately, the Emperor side is extremely tinny, which has always been my number one gripe against black metal bands. I have always abhorred the weak and faggoty flavored guitar sound employed by the panda bear elite. The other complaint is that it seemed as though someone turned down the volume during the mixing process. I don't know if this was some erroneous attempt on the band's behalf to sound "necro as fuck" but it doesn't. Instead it's annoying as hell and I'm grateful that the band decided to re-record these songs for their debut album.

I'm not going to say much about Enslaved's side of the split other then it sucks and I'll never understand why people speak of them as if they were the embodiment of gods. I mean, seriously, Enslaved is 'ok' at best, whether you like black metal or not. They are a perfect example of the power of hype. Endless praise from a bunch of nerds with shitty taste in music which somehow taints the minds of those who should know better.

The Way's Top Ten of 2013 (in no particular order)

Bolzer - Aura

Haven't been this stoked about a death metal band in quite some time, really. I know the big cool way to describe evil sounding death metal these days is to call it "blackened" death (total fucking barf), but for my money this is straight up evil death metal. Everything from the morose and majestic tremolo picking throughout down to the Bolt Thrower-ish chug of 'Wolfshook', this album is a mind-blasting reminder of what could be.




Blut aus Nord - What Once Was... Liber III

I can only assume that this -ep- is one big giant FUCK YOU to the fags that threw a temper tantrum and pissed their diapers over the band's 777 trilogy because this motherfucker is pure evil! This is quite possibly the band's most vicious sounding material since The Work Which Transforms God. Great stuff and a reminder that this band has lost nothing.





Saturnalia Temple - Impossibilium

Nifty little two song -ep- of occult doom to hold you over until the next Electric Wizard comes barreling 'round the bend. That or album #2 from Saturnalia Temple themselves! At the rate we're going, don't hold your breath for either.







Psicomagia - Psicomagia

Stupidely delicious psych-prog from Astra's Brian Ellis. For me, this is far superior to his main band.










Vista Chino - Peace

Josh who? 











Holy Mount - Alpic

Picking up where 'We Fell From the Sky' left off, there isn't much "progression" from that album as 'Alpic' is more of a honing of skills. Fine by me. If you got a good thing goin' on, why fuck with the ingredients? 








Situs Magus - La Grand Oeuvre

Yet ANOTHER insanely awesome black metal band from France! What more needs to be said?










A.M.S.G. - Anti-Cosmic Tyranny

Weirdo "old style" black metal with jazz sections (?!) who are apparently "really into" Satanism. I couldn't give a fuck less. As long as the music jams... and it does!








Melt-Banana - Fetch

Who knew experimental grindcore with a healthy dollap of pop sensibilities would sound so fucking good? Well, I did! But that's only because Melt-Banana have been kicking my ass for well over a decade. Now if only C.S.S.O. would get off of their asses and make good on the promise of 'Diversion of Former Customary Trite Composition'!







SubRosa - More Constant Than the Gods

I'll be honest with ya... this can be downright boring at times, but... when this shit gets good, prepare for your head to freeze, crack and explode!

Nyogthaeblisz - Apocryphal Progenitors of Mankind's Tribulation (2009)

I'm hardly a fan of black metal, but that's not to say that there aren't a few winners scattered about and Nyogthaeblisz is without a doubt among them!

This is some supremely hateful and violent shit. I don't say that lightly. There's "brutal", there's "sick" and then there's violent and fucking hateful!! I know there's some faggot pussies out there that cry about these guys being a bunch of Nazis. Good. I hope they are a bunch of Nazis. Makes it even better! I couldn't imagine music like this being recorded by a bunch of artsy-fartsy faggot nerds. Music this fucking insane should only be written by totally fucking insane individuals. This aint your Dad's homo Norwegian black metal bullshit.

From what I understand, Nyogthaeblisz are a bunch of beaners from El Paso, which makes it even fucking BETTER!! A bunch of Nazi drug cartel motherfuckers who decided to pump out a couple of blasphemous goat-odes betwixt raping and dismembering a bunch of snitches and stupid bitches. Works for me. It's actually quite funny that people think the Norwegians are "scary" and evil. Fuck that. I'm all about the Nazi beaners in the drug cartel, raping stupid cunts and chopping up their boyfriends. Fuck yeah! Bands like Revenge and Angelcorpse wish they sounded this fucking chaotic.

Cradle of Filth - Dusk... and Her Embrace (1996)

It's actually pretty sad that COF receive the amount of hatred and angst that they do from the uptight teeny boppers that comprise the global necro-kvlt. Sure, they've certainly released their share of duds but, musically, when they're on they're fucking on and there is no better example of this then their penultimate 1996 masterpiece, 'Dusk and Her Embrace'. Why anyone would choose to subject themselves to listening to 'Transylvanian Hunger' over this is WAY the fuck beyond me. I mean, I get the whole "nerds trying to outdo each other with how much more underground they are than everyone around them by listening to the shittiest music imaginable" thing, but come the fuck on already. Seriously.

The first thing that impressed me with this album was the riff variation and multitude of rhythmic sequences. This wasn't a pair of Norwegian dorks furiously picking away at a single note for ten minutes. These were well thought out and rather complex musical arrangements. I was actually taken back by some of the doomier segments found on this album. For a black metal band, COF were pumping out some quality fucking doom here! At other times I was floored by the amount of Maiden-isms there were flying about during some of the snappier sections, particularly in regards to the bass. Then of course there are the vocals, which have always fell under the "love them or hate them" category. which I wouldn't go as far as to say that I love them, but I do feel that they fit the music just fine (though some of the screeching can get monotonous at times) as well as convincingly convey the story within the lyrics. I also like the fact that their is variation in the vocal department. It gives the sense that there is a "cast of characters", if you will, all playing their part within this theatre of the macabre.

Not every moment's a winner, mind you, as some of the synth embellishments could have been scaled back some for they tend to weaken the overall assault a bit, and again, the main "screeching" vocals employed by Mr. Filth can prove to be a bit overwhelming, to say the least. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with the actual pitch of the vocals during these moments and the rapid fire onslaught can be quite effective at times, but Mr. Filth has a habit of overdoing it and thus tossing a clever idea into the realm of redundancy.

Lyrically, DAHE showcases some of the best I've read. The compositions found on this album easily rank among the finest lyrical excursions such as those wrought by Sabbat (UK) and Emperor. Again, the use of multiple vocal techniques really brings out the storyline in each song and never fails to produce a smile on my face as I am a sucker for wordplay and the use of puns.

COF really threw down the gauntlet and stepped up to the plate with this album and, for the most part, haven't been able to recapture the fire since. Their have been modest attempts for sure, but nothing really noteworthy. Again, it's sad that many folks will miss out on this album as their heads are stuffed so deeply within their own rectums as a result of their search for underground cred and approval, "but", nevertheless, for those of you who care not for such idiosyncrasies, I implore you (if you have not done so already) to search out this album and give it a whirl.

Darkthrone - The Underground Resistance (2013)

I have long had a sort of love/hate thing with Darkthrone. Back in '91, when I first heard 'Soulside Journey', I thought that it was a landmark in the then emerging doom/death genre not to mention that it's one of my all time favorite albums to this day. I was beyond mortified when I first listened to their follow up, A Blaze in the Northern Sky. Having never been a big fan of the wimpy and tinny guitar sound that is favored by black metal musicians, I was aghast. What the fuck happened to these guys? I had held out a semblance of hope that the band would come to their senses and release yet another monolith of quality death metal such as 'Soulside', but every album they released was more pussified than the last. I could not believe it. It would be years, hell, even decades until I would come around (grudgingly) to the style(s) of metal that they had chose to abandon their death metal beginnings for.

Looking back in hindsight, I can say that, for the most part, I do enjoy Darkthrone's back catalog, though for  the life of me I'll never understand the mass appeal of their apparent "magnum opus", 'Transylvanian Hunger'. Sure, I get the fascination with droney/minimalism (I mean, doom is my number one style of music, for fucks sake!), but TH is just outright fucking annoying. I don't care what the 'necro' police tell ya, there aint nothing provocative about chilling on the same rusty chord for several minutes before moving on to the next. That's child's play. A midget with Down's Syndrome can come up with something more "far out" than that.

Anyways... here we have the band in their latest incarnation and for the most part it sounds just fine. I know that there are a lot of "true/kvult/necro" fucks out there with their panties all bunched up inside their twats due to the lack of "orthodox" (seriously, who the fuck comes up with this shit?) black metal vocals and all I have to say is, how does it feel to have your desires and expectations cast to the wind?

I can't help but feel as if many of the riffs on this album were written by someone who has a no more than a remedial understanding of how to write a song. If it weren't for the mastery shown on 'Soulside' so many moons ago, I would be inclined to believe that Darkthrone is nothing more than a duo of hacks that have been pulling the wool over their audiences eyes for the past 20 or so years by purposely releasing albums of a shit quality. I don't know. Apparently I'm the only one who wonders about this shit for there's been no shortage of drooling and fanatic Darkthrone dorks who eagerly lap up every ounce of diarrheal splat the band has to offer.

Nonetheless, aside from the lack of 'whiny bitch black metal vocals' (you know, the "orthodox" kind) the only real offense here is the abominable 'Valkyrie' which showcases an agonizing onslaught of Fenriz' absolutely horrendous falsettos and high end wailing. Please, somebody shoot this guy and pass the title of "I'm so necro it hurts" to the next retard in line.

Absu - The Sun of Tiphareth (1995)

This is the album where Absu went full bore "blick" metal and guess what? I actually liked it! Perhaps it was the Celtic mysticism abound within the lyrics or maybe it was the fact that they were actually playing fucking SONGS here instead of a couple of chumps mindlessly beating on a snare and chilling on an open 'E' ala Transylvanian Hunger era Darkthrone.

This was one of the first (and to this day, few) black metal albums that I couldn't help but get into.Though I (and many others, for that matter) refer to Absu as being a black metal band, they've always had more of a thrashier aesthetic than your typical black metal band not to mention a healthy grasp on atmosphere. Normally I'm not too heavy on the black metal style of singing as I find it to be ultra weak compared to the triumphant command of a good death metal vocalist (such as David Vincent's performance on Morbid Angel's 'Covenant'). Proscriptor's rasp, however, is bizarre enough that it works. Nothing sounds out of place here and I honestly couldn't imagine anyone else singing over this album (or Absu in general).

Lyrically, Absu is unrivaled. Proscriptor clearly knows his shit and everything is exceptionally written beyond that.

Everytime some dumbass Norwegian talks shit about 'U.S. black metal' I am delighted within to know that Absu thoroughly smashes all that country has to offer in terms of opposition. Don't get me me wrong, 90% of U.S. black metal is as gay as the majority of their global counterparts but Absu is an exceptional band, period, regardless of their chosen musical genre.

Blut Aus Nord - 777 Cosmosophy (2012)

France has definitely been ground zero for some of the best and most diverse black metal in the past ten years. I don’t know if its something in the air, the water or in their croissants, but the Frenchies have been at the forefront of originality and experimentation, and Blut Aus Nord has been at the helm for the past decade. With 2003’s “The Work Which Transforms God” and the 2006’s “MoRt”, BAN have shown that conventional definitions and limitations as to what is and isn’t black metal doesn’t matter one fucking bit to them.

The final installment of the 777 trilogy "Cosmosphy" definitely lives up to expectations. Combining  black metal, industrial, post-rock, clean vocals, etc. this album has a lot going on. But with the listener being accosted from every conceivable angle, Cosmosophy preserves the qualities  most compelling in black metal – yearning, desperation, apprehension, and solitude. Whether it’s expressed as a martial march or a depraved rumble of bass and eerie noise, nearly every track carries its own species of pure black emotion.

This is music which truly transcends labels; it does not work within any mold and ignores the slightest whispers of pretension, blending seemingly impossible stylings in ways that still sound good. While each song is a treat to listen to on its own, Cosmosphy deserves to be experienced in its entirety.

Usurper - Diabolosis (1995)

Though everyone seems to croak in delight over Usurper's sophmore LP, 1998's 'Skeletal Season', I have always felt that their debut was by far their best, not to mention most bizarre.

This is perhaps the most difficult album of all to categorize. I know that a lot of folks out there prefer to cop out and label Usurper's music as 'Celtic Frost' worship, but I'd hardly say that that sums up what they're dishing out. Sure, the influence of the mighty Frost is apparent, especially when you hear the singer yell "ooh" every other minute and indeed there are similar riff techniques, but I think it's safe to say that Usurper more than ably stands on their own two cloven hooves. I guess the one thing that stands out the most, to me, is how fucking weird this album is. Despite some of the rather upbeat grooves that rear their ugly heads from time to time, there is an unsettling and outright bizarre vibe that permeates this album throughout, not to mention the absolute bone shattering crunch of the guitar sound, I mean, Usurper was the fucking Dead Youth after all, and you'd be the champion of chumps to deny the Earth smashing heaviness of that band!

Ok, having got the "nod" to The Dead Youth out of the way, this album pretty much picks up where The Dead Youth's 'Writhing' left off. I would say that the guitar sound on 'Diabolosis' is pretty much the same as on TDY's 'Writhing'. The difference is in the riff delivery, which really, isn't that big of a difference except that with a track or two you can hear Usurper contemplating on whether or not to wholeheartedly jump on the black metal trend, so prevalent in the mid 90's. Thankfully, they opted to keep that influence to a bare minimum as the majority of this album falls under the crunch laden mid-paced/doom dirge category.

A lot of the riffs on this album are just downright fucking creepy. This is the kind of shit that black metal fags wish they could write. Unfortunately, this style of writing would see a decline throughout the bands next few releases until it was virtually non-existent in Usurper's sound later on down the road. A lot of folks have claimed this to be everything from "blackened thrash" to straight up black metal to doom/death, etc. The truth is, there is no way to describe this album. It just is.

Enter the Temple: An interview with Worthless of Famine/Worthless Endeavors

What was the "transitional" moment for you when you realized that 'metal is the law'?

My mother listened to a lot of heavy stuff while I grew up, and she encouraged all things dark and evil in me, so there really wasn’t a transition, or a moment. But by the time I was eleven or twelve I was waging war on god and singing Venom songs like they were psalms.

What is your recollection of the Jersey metal scene back in the 80's/early 90's?

There were some real artists back then, and of course there was a lot of fucking scumbags too, just like in any other time or any other group of people. I was always disappointed in the scene, so I kept my distance from much of it, most of the time. When I started going to a lot of shows and meeting all the people involved in making the scene what it was, I realized only very few of them were really as insane and Satanic as they were fucking required to be. There was too many nerds and skanks, and shifty Dahmer types with ill fitting Wranglers lurking around. Everything turns to shit after it becomes more popular, because people fucking suck. It was all over after Biohazard made it big, they did much more damage than Nirvana. I don’t have a single close friend from those days who stayed Metal.

What year did you get involved in Deteriorot and what/who inspired you to go for that chunky sounding low end?

It was either 1990 or 91 that I was asked to join. I immediately suggested a different name for the band, perhaps the notion of this word following me around for twenty years didn’t feel right back then. What was I thinking? Paul and Jon were the creative forces behind Deteriorot. We were heavily influenced by the European bands at the time; Bolt Thrower, Grave, Entombed, etc. I had very little input, if any, in directing the sound of the band. I always had shitty equipment that was falling apart and had obnoxious buzzing problems, and I think Paul might agree that it actually may have contributed to some of the early sound. My guitar tracks were always way down in the mix to make room for Capt. Whammybar, hahahaa.

Can you tell me a little bit about Gomorrah? What/who was the inspiration for this band?

There were lots of influences, but Hellhammer and Cathedral were definitely among the strongest. I just wanted to write heavy, evil shit. My cousin and I started the band in 93 or 94 with a friend of ours. We had professionally recorded about ninety percent of an LP, but it was never finished because of a big disagreement. That disagreement ended the band as well. The studio material was eventually lost, but Elegy released a collection of rehearsals on CD a few years ago. I guess it’s noteworthy that I remember our strongest supporter back then, John Paradiso, in his Section 8 days, along with Rob from Solemn/Elegy were among the handful of people that attended our only show at Studio 1 in Newark in 93 or 94. Those songs were my first real attempts at writing music.

What led to your bowing out of Deteriorot


I’ve read Paul’s version of events and his account of it has some truth to it, but as I remember it, Paul just never called me or Jon to schedule a rehearsal and we didn’t really care enough to call him. Jon has a much better memory than mine. I’m sure there’s other dramatic details, but other events in my life have totally eclipsed any shred of memory there might of been left.

Can you tell me about the formation of 'Famine'?

I began working on Famine in 2003. There was a moment in the beginning when I considered forming a band but my methods of writing and recording dictate that no one else can be involved. I have a problem with musicians or artists that talk endlessly about their work and their over inflated stupid shit. I let Famine speak for itself.

Were you satisfied with the reaction to the self titled debut?

The reaction has been incredible, better than I anticipated. I always can tell who really listened to it, and who didn’t .

It's been almost 6 years since the release of the Famine debut. Are there any plans on releasing a second album?

It’s been a little over a year since it was properly released. The first release was a CDR given only to handful of people, and a handful of copies sold at Vintage Vinyl here in NJ. The vinyl release has 3 new tracks on it, and everything was completely remastered. The second album is being recorded and written slowly and I’m aiming for a release in 2013, but 2014 is more likely.

What year did you put 'Worthless Endeavors' together and what was your initial intent?

I formed Worthless Endeavors in 2010 as a way to release my own work , including paintings, sculptures, etc. , and release the work of other artists who I wouldn’t mind spending money on.

Is WE primarily a 'black metal' label and who are among the bands whose material you've released thus far?

Primarily I’d like to release Black Metal that is centered on the occult , but finding real artists within such a narrowly defined category is almost impossible. The Famine LP was the first release, and then recently a split 7” with Teratism and Morbus666 was pressed. The French band Gronde is on the roster and their insane self produced debut is available through WE. Hopefully the next album from them is coming soon. The Mexican band Ars Inferi was nearly on the roster until strange things started happening on their end.

Three albums you couldn't live without:

King D.’s Abigail, Shostakovich’s String Quartets 11, 12, 13 performed by The Beethoven String Quartet 1969 (Firma Melodya), Destruction’s Eternal Devastation, but that’s just the mood I’m in right now.


Jersey has never had a shortage of sick and blasphemous bands, yet it would seem that the underground media has remained somewhat ignorant of the area's contributions as opposed to the incessant praise lavished upon areas like Norway, Sweden, Florida, etc. Why do you think this is?

I have to disagree that New Jersey never had a shortage, but then again maybe I haven’t been paying too much attention . There’s always been a lot of shit bands here. I couldn’t begin to understand why people who represent “underground media” do anything they do. I equate the legacy that those failed, wannabe journalists have left behind to Tiger Beat and Teen magazine. It’s all so embarrassing and corny. They ‘ve diminished so much of all the great work that has been done everywhere, not just here.

Did you ever see the band called Rahway (http://www.rahwayband.com/)? When I hear the words Jersey Metal scene this is what I see in my mind. I have no desire to be any part of that world, I’d rather stab myself in the fucking neck .

Being a metal warrior from the days of old, what are thoughts on the current state of metal?

90% crap, just like always. Every once in a while I hear something that really fucking blows me away, but I don’t have much more room in my brain for absorbing the state of metal.

Any newer bands that have caught your attention? Any suggestions?

Usually I won’t check out new bands until somebody insists, but I definitely recommend Hellvetron from Texas, Galgeras from Holland isn’t new, and I don’t think they exist anymore but they were fucking great, Teratism, Morbus666, Bahimiron, Gronde , Incursus.

What does the future hold for 'Famine' and 'Worthless Endeavors'?

The next Famine album is gonna fucking destroy.

Alright Will, many thanks for your time. Any last words?

2 Kings 2:23-24 Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.



For more information on Famine or Worthless Endeavors, check out the website here.

Marduk - Serpent Sermon

Typically gay black metal. Out of Norway and Sweden, Sweden has always been the less homosexual of the two when it comes to crafting black metal, being that they usually cannot help but infuse some semblance of death metal riffing into the equation along with a mind numbing amount of blast beat retardation. Make no mistake though, black metal is gay in any of its guises.

A lot of pseudo-intellectual "connoisseurs" praise Marduk for their "brutality" whilst frowning through their brown eye at the vast host of wigger/slam bands, especially if they're American. Even though I find 98% of the latter genre to be laughably brain dead, I'd put California's 'Disgorge' up against the lot of European black metal bands ANY day of the week where brutality is concerned. There is nothing brutal sounding about a gang of idiots with make up on being severely throatfucked and sodomized by some fat, sore ridden creepzoid over a blast beat seemingly run on loop. Yeah, yeah, "they don't just blast on this". Sounds just as lame either way.

Ulver - Et Eeventyr I 5 Capitler

I want to take a brick and relentlessly bash someone in the fucking face every time I hear about the "genius" of this band. This is complete and utter fucking garbage. As soon as someone tells me that they consider this to be a good album, I immediately identify that person as a dolt.

I could never, for the life of me, understand why people like this kind of shit. The same could be said for the band's entire catalog. I'd rather watch retards fuck than endure a fraction of a second's worth of this bullshit. If listening to static with a drum beat is your type of thing, well, then you are undoubtedly of the pretentious and weak stock of individuals that I do my best to avoid. Go choke.

Setherial - Hell Eternal

I seriously cannot stand all this "true" and "kult" bullshit. Somehow to be considered a good black metal band/album, one must have the worst production possible, angsty Satanic/pagan lyrics and just more general shittiness than should ever be allowed. Why bands like Burzum, Mayhem, the shitty half of Darkthrone's catalog have come to be legendary and worshipped is beyond me. Setherial were part of the Swedish black metal wave that started rolling in during the mid 90s. I'm sure the so-called "purists" will say that their first two albums are the best because they sound like less produced and muddy, but Hell Eternal is where shit started getting real. The production on this album is a lot clearer so you can actually hear what the hell is going in. The guitars and drumming are a lot tighter, the vocals aren't necessarily memorable in style but the intensity is all there. The title song, "The Aeschma Daeva" and "The Sign of Wrath Awakened" all showcase an improvement in songwriting and playing that wasn't really prominent (but still present) on their previous releases. The one main drawback to this album is that after a while, the songs pretty much start to meld together and it gets repetitive. Much like their Swedish brethren Marduk, Setherial play a much faster, more aggressive style of black metal, which never wavers throughout this album. Setherial is definitely a band that has gotten better with time as their most recent releases have shown, but Hell Eternal is where they started to emerge as a force to be reckoned with.

Immortal - Battles In The North

By 1995, Immortal had already gained a reputation for being one of the very few "brutal" Norweigan black metal bands (especially after their second album, Pure Holocaust) and for making the most ridiculous videos ever. Anyone who had seen their video for "The Call of the Wintermoon" and managed to keep a straight face deserves a prize. 1995 saw their third release "Battles in the North" and holy shit! What a fucking great album this was and is. Right from the first second, the songs just punch you in the face with a boulder of sound and intensity that just wasn't around back then. A lot of people bitched and got their panties in a bunch about this album being nothing but noise and speed for speed's sake, but it is so much more than that. Hellhammer's drumming is flawless and there is a structure and rhythm to the songs, despite the pantings of the naysayers who probably wanted keyboards and fluffy shirts. The title song is one of the highlights on this album, but the closing "Blashyrkh (Mighty Ravendark)" is the true gem. Things get slowed down a tad, but the intensity remains.  There's an acoustic interlude towards the end that lures the listener in before hitting you with one last hyperspeed jolt. By far, their best album to date. Alas, Immortal have never been able to overcome their tendency to make hilariously terrible music videos and I hope that never changes.

Portal - Outre

This is what it sounds like when you give a retard two gallons of Everclear, an ounce of crystal meth and a baseball bat and set him loose within the confines of a metal garbage can. Bap-bap-bap-bap-bing-boom-bop-ping!!

Yet another band that carries with them such a profound and vast accompaniment of genius, according to that carnival of confused minds, Metal-Archives. It's actually rather disheartening really, I mean, I always hold out high hopes for clock clad betentacled types and I'm always on the lookout for death metal of the more, "evil" sounding caliber, but this, this just sucks.

Whereas I can respect and actually enjoy (at times) a band such as Anal Cunt, listening to this is akin to giving myself a lobotomy sans anesthesia all the while screaming midgets rub and scrape hearty amounts of broken glass and thumb tacks over my exposed brain. Meaning, while I do enjoy the more "noisier" and "jarring" elements of music from time to time, I just can't shake the feeling that this is just a pretentious stab at being different and extreme and to mine ears it all just comes across as annoying and unbearable. The fact that every super cool metalhead chump from here unto the garbage can "gets it" just makes it all the more lame to me.

On one hand, I am glad that people are finally beginning to realize the worth of the evil and haunting sounds of bands such as Immolation and Incantation, though it is staggeringly mind blowing how often many of the bands that emulate that style somehow manage to miss the mark. Don't get me wrong. I love the creepy visual aesthetic that Portal employs and I honestly respect the fact that they're going for a more evil and blasphemous approach to death metal, but it is excruciatingly frustrating to me that the band persists on smothering every inch of their sound with a literal wall of noise. I bet each album of theirs would sound that much fucking better if you didn't have to painfully strain to make out each note and nuance not to mention the fact that the occasional riff that can actually be heard is drenched in that cock adoring pussy sounding guitar tone that those within the black metal ranks jump for joy over.

I for one am getting sick of all these hipster metal head-come-latelys that herald shit like this as the un-holier than thou second coming of all things cool. Just because a guy with a koo-koo bird clock on his head and squid tentacles for hands might look cool, doesn't mean that the shit being spewed fourth from that gaping hole located between his ass cheeks sounds cool, and this shit does NOT sound cool whatsoever. Too bad.

Burzum - Burzum

Along with the members of Darkthrone, Ol' Count Grizzled-Cock of Norway's one geek musical farce, Burzum, was among the "elite" of Norway to start posing in the mirror after hours of putting on makeup, leather and spikes thus initiating the world into the era of "true" Norwegian Black Metal.

Being from New England and having grown up in the 80's/90's, I knew of plenty of creepy weirdos who, upon backpaddling within the confines of a case of Milwaukee's Best coupled with the apparently brain altering concoction of Ozzy Osbourne, Slayer and Iron Maiden, would proceed to ritualistically gut kitty cats and unsuspecting pigeons in one of the various local cemeteries dotted along the landscape of the area I grew up in. It wasn't uncommon to see inverted crosses and pentagrams haphazardly spray painted over tombstones along with the disemboweled remains of some poor creature that made the mistake of being in close proximity to the presence of these "Satanic" dweebs.

By the time the whole Norwegian church burning trend hit the airwaves I couldn't help but feel as if this was a bit of a familiar theme. Teen angst and peer pressure unquestionably fueled by metal music and the need to fit in and secure an image for ones self. I never once bought into the hype that this was all part of an A) "elite"   order of Satanic bandidos, or B) the ingeniously devised machinations of gathering of anti-Christian revolutionaries swollen to the brim with nationalist pride. No. This reeked of the severely erroneous actions halfassedly played out by a group of wannabes, flexing their scrawny arms amidst the oft cloudy representation of the teenage mind. Unfortunately for a few, and not unlike the denizens within the so called 'Manson Family', these "kids" would commit crimes justified by the delusions of young and not yet fully developed minds and as a result, become heroes in the eyes of other youthful outcasts across the globe.

No one will ever truly know the reasons why Cap'n Varg bopped on over to 'Your-mom's-anus' house and proceeded to perforate him with his very own, Rambo survival knife. But you can bet your pimple ridden arse that he capitalized on it and bled it dry for what it was worth. Of course, in order to truly make an "evil" impression on the minds of the impressionable you have to act as nonchalantly as inhumanly possible about it all which only lends even more false cred to the incorporated mass of egotism otherwise known as a steaming pile o' bullsit. This one being of a rather impressive size.

As ol' Cap'n Varg'll tell ya, music was always secondary to his criminal preoccupations and boy oh boy does it show here on Burzum's debut LP. What a bottomless well of  feces and venereal tainted semen. Back when good taste was somewhat prevalent, this album would've been flushed back down the toilet from whence it came, quickly after attempting to emerge from out of the sewers, "Ghoulie" style.

I actually quite enjoy Old Funeral, the band that ol' Cap'n Varg used to play with, and the difference between that band and Burzum is night and fucking day, but we all know of course that once Obituary decided to allow themselves to be photographed wearing sweatpants and EMF hats, the microchip implanted in the brains of the Norwegian youth short circuited thus giving way to a bunch wannabe vikings babbling on about what is "true" and "necro" and "kvlt", etc. Sometime in 1991 is when the grim reapers gay twin passed through Norway and "touched" the souls of all therein, thus began the rampant homosexual orgy that is more commonly referred to as black metal, or as the Norwegians call it, "blick" metal.

Among the higher, more important figures of this era was the fabled Count Grizzled-Cock aka ol' Cap'n Varg and he carried with him all the vigor and intent of a transsexual dopefiend desperate and sick from withdrawal. Of course, the vocals on this album are the penultimate rendition of a screaming bitch being gang raped by a veritable caravan of mongoloid speed freaks and I have to wonder from what painful crevice does one venture unto in order to cull such inspiration.

The level (or lack of) guitar skill is more curious than laughable as you can somewhat detect a semblance of :know how" deeply embedded within the fog of superficial "kvltishness", but any attempt at decoding this reverse complexity only manages to force  me to succumb to a seemingly 'scanner' induced fever of which I am afraid to further proceed lest my head detonates.

I could only have wished that the super mutant rapist gangbangers had furiously clubbed ol' Cap'n Varg after their wanton exploitation of his pale flesh, thus ending his misery and mine. But this was not to be, as Varg frantically recorded a decades worth of material in a short span of time as if he had foreseen his future behind bars, or perhaps he was chasing the dragon that was introduced to him during his defilement by the band of  transsexual super mutants. I wonder what the world would have been like if the knife was in the hands of 'Your-mom's-anus' instead of Cap'n Varg's. Ahh... but to dream.

Darkthrone - Under a Funeral Moon

And the story goes...

Somewhere in late 1991/early '92, seemingly ALL of Norway collectively decided that death metal was uncool now because someone saw a picture of Obituary in Metal Maniacs wearing sweatpants and Bermuda shorts. At that point they also decided to emulate the musical as well as physical traits of 80's death/thrash bands such as Bathory, Hellhammer/Celtic Frost, early Slayer, Possessed and so on, in answer to Obituary's treasonous dress code. I'm not sure where the part that 'any and all musical talent be utterly kicked to the curb and disposed of' came into play, but the Norwegians took to the endeavor with all the gusto of a tranny in a hot dog eating contest. Let us also never forget that it was at this point that almost every band in the world jumped on Norway's cock as a result. This is NOT to say that Norway was a lighthouse beaming with originality. What Norway essentially did was rip off the elders of the 80's and in turn accuse anyone else of doing so of being a copy cat of the Norwegian "style" of copy catting. Yet, originality was not the only thing the Norwegians lacked. They were also devoid of a goodly deal of talent in those days as well save for a three fingered handful of bands. Of course in the ensuing years, any band that began to develop any sort of technical proficiency (as is usually the case after years of practicing) or attempted to outgrow the inbred trappings of the almighty Norwegian Black Metal scene, were in turn accused of "selling out" or just plain "being untrue".

From amidst the wide eyed confusion of teen angst and obligations wrought from the furnace of peer pressure came the Lord of all Things True himself, Sir Hank of Amarillo aka Fenriz. I actually extract great amounts of evil joy when I watch or read interviews from this cartoonishly charismatic fellow as I have never seen anyone write and rewrite the book of How to be a Black Metal Hipster Yet Come Across as Being Otherwise as much as the popularly adored Mr. Amarillo. Never before has the world encountered such a champion of contradictions as they would with each absolutely worthless utterance from this man's throat. The fact that Darkthrone has played it rather safe in terms of remaining confined to the shadows as opposed to coming out full blast ala Satyricon or Gorgoroth, playing festivals and shows and embarking, viking style, on world tours, etc, has only furthered the notion in peoples minds that they are dealing with some black master of magicks steeped in arcane ideology and as a result, the pinnacle being of underground cool and cred. Barf.

Nevertheless, it was to be that when Sir Lord Hank of Amarillo spoke, the masses unwaveringly listened and obliged his every whim. And when Sir Hank decided that 'A Blaze in the Northern Sky' did not sound "necro" (aka like shit) enough he decided to once again crawl back into the lofty confines of his mind and see what his asshole might produce and lo and behold, the world was graced with an even stinkier, smellier poo than before. Ladies and gentlemen... I give you... Under a Funeral Moon!

Whereas 'A Blaze...' has actually grown on me a little throughout the years (though I'll never truly forgive Darkthrone for the treasonous act of abandoning their death metal sound for the flavor of the day) as there are actual rhythmic fluctuations to be heard as well as an admittedly "evil" vibe that permeates the air within that release, its two successors are nothing but glorified pieces of fly ridden shit that give the musical term 'noise' a negative rep. Listening to two inbred mongoloids from the backwoods of Virginia with Tourette's violently buttfuck each other in room filled with priceless china would sound infinitely better than having to endure any one full track off of this or it's equally mundane twin, 'Transilvanian Hunger'. The fact that not only people actually like this album but that it is considered to be a (barf) 'masterpiece' is a staggering inclination of of just how far up the evolutionary ladder we have to go to reach the top.

Unholy fucking black metal. Sir Lord Hank of Amarillo in all of his true necro glory at far right

I keep telling myself that most people like this album because it's merely the cool, ahem, "necro" thing to do. The riffs on this "album" suck roomfulls of AIDS patients dicks with an unmatched fervor and a glee most hideous to behold. I'm not kidding either. You can actually picture the enthusiastic and undaunted retardation on the band's faces as they mindlessly bang away track after track. Kind of like giving a child a sheet of acid and a box of crayons. I am convinced that when someone drones on about the "genius" of this album, they are naught but some robot slathered in human flesh whose battery is only moments away from expiration. Of course the big kindergarten swipe at anyone who actually has the gall to not buy into this albums extraterrestrial hype is to claim in an indignant tone, that they don't "understand" this album. As if The Lord Fenriz himself had whispered it's divine secrets into their ears and left your puny and unworthy ass in the dark screaming "why hath thou forsaken me???!!"

Well fuck all that. I don't want to understand it. I am content in knowing that if you find this album to be a work of musical genius then you are part of the sheep that this band and countless others of their ilk complain about, including themselves. The only thing astounding and astonishing about this album is that the band managed to force out a pile of shit this big without the aid of surgery and a years worth of Band Aids.