Friday, March 21, 2014
Texas Chainsaw (2013)
For some weird fucking reason, I'm not totally sure what, I actually didn't mind the whole "family" thing between Leatherface and ol' chicky baby. Before my seeing this film I had already known about this particular aspect to the plot. Maybe that's why. I don't know. Oddly enough I found myself sorting of "rooting" for her acceptance of this situation.
Now with the bad... I wasn't terribly fond of the "look into" the Sawyer's "extended" family. Yes, that includes the cameo of Gunnar Nelson (who, by the way will always be the greatest Leatherface EVER!) and Bill Moseley whose portrayal of Drayton Sawyer somehow makes him seem laid back and thoughtful. Not the most terrible offense but nevertheless it only serves to move the characters even further away from the original film as the series previous sequels had done.
Many if not all of the kills were pretty tame. I was somewhat surprised by this being that in this day in age everything that's shat out of Hollywood's ass seems to be drenched in excess. Of course, this wasn't completely shocking as the 'Nightmare on Elm Street' "remake" (referring to it as that makes me cringe) was appallingly dull as far as the kill factor was concerned. I also wasn't bowled over by the make-up work on Leatherface's masks. These effects crews are still hung up on the notion of making this "really cool, far out" prosthetic and totally bypassing the fact that the masks in the original were hardly colossus of craftsmanship yet they remain unsurpassed in the creep factor. I pretty much gave up hope that they'll somehow pick up on this seemingly elusive concept.
The "acting" is your typical run o' the mill 'generation-text' gag fest. The film could have more or less benefited from lengthier performances by everyone whose roles were reduced to cameo appearances as the denizens representing the current squadron of twenty-somethings are hopelessly inept and unable to squeeze out a believable performance thus ultimately condemning the film to a flushed toilet.
Perhaps the biggest and most cringe-inducing element in this film is the horrendous dialog. "Wlecome to Texas motherfucker!" and "Do your thing cuz" are among the most awfully retarded lines I've ever had to endure as some form of cosmic punishment. I just know that there's some dead relative floating up in space somewhere laughing at my pain. Even the film's title... 'Texas Chainsaw 3D' is yet another example of the cultural dumbing down process in this country. KFC anyone?
All in all I somehow did not mind this film that much. Does it suck? You better believe it, but I don't know, I just couldn't muster enough hate for it when all was said and done. I actually dislike the remake more than this, which I find weird as this film has an infinite amount of things that I despise scattered throughout. Quite odd, really. I once thought that maybe it's one of things that's so bad it's good, but it's not. The film is not even enjoyable to that degree, yet... Make no mistake about it though, this film sucks rotten cock and serves only to ensure that the legacy of the TCM films remains in the sewer along with all of the Friday the 13th's, Nightmare on Elm St's, etc. Maybe it's all part of Holywood's plan being that they never really accepted or liked horror films from the jump.