Thursday, December 6, 2012

The Hills Have Eyes II (1985)

Yet another golden goodie spit upon and mocked by the faggot masses who think Scream is a "contemporary horror classic" (Barf). Director Wes Craven apparently disowned this film, after, I assume, he read too many not too rave reviews panning it and labeling it as "yet another Friday the 13th clone". Well, first off, Friday the 13th clones bother me not, as long as they deliver the goods and have a nice fucked up looking freakzoid behind the axe falling down upon your skull! Aye, and this surely delivers those goods on time.

If there is something for me to bitch about, it would only be that they brought back the bald headed faggot from the first flick. First of all, didn't Beast rip out this homos jugular in Hills part 1? And second, who the fuck on Earth thinks this guy is even remotely scary ? I'd dropkick this fuck in his bottom lip if he ever had the nerve to creep up on me and add another dent to his misshapen cranium!

Now, as I mentioned previously in the Midnight rant, overweight, bearded, cannibal fucks certainly do freak me out! Enter The Reaper. Holy open lesions Batman! Ahh... The Reaper, in all of his hubcap rockin' glory. Motherfucker's about 6'9" and and swings quite the lengthy machete (which I'm sure adds to the F13 comparisons. Well hey, would ya rather watch Mojave Desert no.2 Pencil Massacre?) and the thought of this creepy giant chowin' down on his fellow man is rather disturbing indeed.

It really kills me that people hate on this film to the extent that they do. It aint on my top ten list or even twenty for that matter, but I can think of plenty of other more deserving titles, especially by Craven himself who pushed out fly ridden piles of shit such as Deadly Friend, Shocker, A New Nightmare (while no fanatic of the series, the bitchslap to Freddy fans is undeniable) and of course that icon of pseudo-intellectual pretentiousness, Scream. May The Reaper piss in the mouths of the non-believers!

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