Evil Dead (2013)

I'm actually not one of these people who thinks the original Evil Dead is the greatest or one of the greatest movies ever made. But the hype surrounding the remake would make one think that it might actually be worth seeing. Well, the masses prove yet again why no one should take what they say seriously.

Evil Dead follows a group of 20-somethings who decide to take Mia to a remote cabin in the woods so she can detox from heroin. They discover a scary book in the cellar and one of them decides to purposely look for the incantations (they're not even visible, he has to trace the paper with a pencil to read the imprint) and then summon some nasties who wreak havoc on everyone.

A few of the iconic scenes from the original remain, such as the tree rape, one girl cutting off her own arm, locking Mia in the cellar and having her peek out with her red-rimmed yellow contacts, and the camera fast-tracking through the woods. Apparently the big praise comes from the fact that the movie used very little to no CGI, which is cool, but so what.

There's a lot of screaming, a lot of blood and oozing things, but it's just really fucking boring. Considering it's only about 90 minutes long, it felt like it went on forever and ever, just trudging along. There's nothing to separate it from all the other horror movies being made these days. They all have the same look, the same type of forgettable actors, the same attempts at being shocking when all that comes out is a sterile, generic pool of mediocrity. There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this move.